Seeing Things

Memories of my childhood - I am brimming with them. I have decided to type them out one by one.  This is the first story in the series. It's about a visit to the dentist when I must have been 6 or 7 years old. It was for a milk tooth extraction.  I was taken to the dentist by my dad. We were in the officer's waiting room at the MH (Military Hospital) at Chandimandir Cantt, where achan (that's what I call dad) was posted at the time. So far, I remember enjoying my outing with achan. There were magazines with big colourful images to flip through and everyone was very proper and quiet - military style. But one gentleman and my dad got talking. I wasn't paying attention. Most adult conversations went over my head anyway. At one point I realized this gentleman was addressing me. He said, "aapko dar nahi lag raha?" (aren't you afraid?) I wasn't because I hadn't really thought about what exactly it was that I had signed up for. But this q

10:54 a.m, Thursday, 23rd April, 2020. I just had an epiphany about myself.  And that epiphany is this:  I have spent my whole life adjusting.  Yes, I know we all adjust. In fact survival depends on our ability to adjust. To colleagues, to neighbours, to relatives and even friends. But the problem with my adjusting is that it was not for survival. It was simply to be nice. Which is not some virtue. The instinct to be nice to everyone  arguably stems from a need to be liked by everyone or in my case, worse - a fear of being disliked by anyone. Sure, it's one of the lesser harmful of personality problems but it is a problem nonetheless. Why? Because adjusting became so second nature to me that I had ceased to recognize that I was adjusting. When the discomfort of the adjusting became hard to ignore, I couldn't understand what it was that was bothering me. At this point I start acting up - avoiding people, breaking up, ghosting friends etc leaving people bewildered - because